breathe in breathe out

I have found I am pretty awful at keeping up a blog. I mean to post all the time and for some reasons the words never come to paper. I am going to be better at this I swear. So in my last post I rambled a little bit about facing another lung transplant. A lot has happened since then. I faced reality and now understand if I don't get new lungs, well, I would die and I am not ready for that yet. I still need to take that trip to Africa. There is so much to do and so much I meant to do the last time I got new lungs, that I never achieved, like writing a book! So I need a third shot at a life, a second shot just wasn't enough for me. I have completed all the testing to get listed again, and feel I am declining enough (lung function is now around 40%) that shortly it will be time to go back on the list. I so crave breathing normally again, now that I know what it is like, that it trumps most of the fears I have about going through this again. I want so badly to just do normal things again and not be winded, or left behind, or need other people to help me do things that I don't think I am as terrified as I was the first time around, with those lungs all I knew was crappy, so I wasn't sure the amazing life I was going to get after. I am going to just tell most of you reading this, you take breathing for granted, trust me. I am at a point where I feel and think about ever breath I take again, like I did with my old lungs. And it sucks! People that breathe normally really don't understand how blessed you are to be able to do that. Trust me, even I took breathing for granted when I got these lungs.

So, I am doing less and less, as normal everyday things get harder, so this blog will also chronicle something I love and will still be able to do, cook! There will be a lot of cooking and recipes that I try to keep busy and keep my mind going. Speaking of which, I am going to Miami this weekend for the Food Network's Wine and Food Fest, and it will likely be the last thing I get to do before I go back on the list and am grounded. I should have lots of great comments and pictures about this weekend. I loveeeeee food!

I hope you will follow me through this journey and that I can help guide those also waiting for new lungs. With my first pair I said I would do it all over again if I had to, and I guess that is exactly what I am doing.....

xo